How far along? 33 weeks. 

Size of baby: The size of a durian fruit (which I had to Google, because I don't think I've ever heard of it before), she's now about 17 inches long and 5 pounds.
Sleep: Well, I've had to get up in the middle of the night almost every day this week to use the loo, so there's that. This morning Jacob put his arm around my belly to cuddle, and after about three minutes of that I had to move his arm off because it was squishing me and 'twas all sorts of uncomfortable. Once I get out of bed in the morning, I feel slightly off-balance as well. And of course, by the time 10:00 rolls around I'm yawning and exhausted, but I've had to force myself to stay awake to finish watching the Olympics. Priorities.
Total weight gain: I don't know. I'm trying not to worry about it too much.
Unglamorous body changes: I can no longer see my toes when I stand up straight and look down. Jacob said that my belly has become a weapon (I maaaay or may not have bumped into him multiple times in a short period of time.) Shaving my legs has definitely become a more complicated endeavor. (Not that I shave more than once a week, anyway . . . )My belly button has recently become a fascination with Jacob as well, who wants to Pillsbury me every chance he gets. 
Best moment this week: Oh, this week has been full of excitement. I had my baby shower on Saturday (which deserves a post of its own), and that was a lot of fun. I used a voucher I received for Christmas to get a massage on Monday, and our crib arrived on Tuesday. We still haven't assembled it, but our neighbor used his truck to help us donate a bunch of stuff to DI -- including an organ which was taking up far too much space -- and Jacob rearranged the furniture in our living room so it's more open. (Next step: acquiring a wireless adapter for our computer so we can move it to the living room and make room for the crib.) And today, Jacob and I received some news we've been waiting for ages to hear! But . . . I'm not allowed to share it on the Internets yet. You may tingle with anticipation.
Movement: She continues to enjoy wedging herself behind my ribs. She also gets more active after I've had some sugar. Imagine that.
Food cravings/aversions: No real cravings, but I have definitely indulged in my share of chocolate this week. 
Symptoms: Heartburn has returned with a vengeance, and this time it doesn't even have the courtesy of waiting until the evening or after a meal to strike. The phrase "lightning crotch" also comes to mind these days. Not frequently, but when it does . . . ouch. I may or may not have yelped this evening after one such episode, which caused Jacob some alarm. 
Currently looking forward to: Finding my Blistex. I haven't seen it in days, and my lips are parched!
Realization of the week: Our apartment is definitely not baby-proof. At least we'll have a few months to get it in order before she gets mobile.

Milestones: She's keeping her eyes open while she's awake now, and the bones of her skull are formed. She's also going through more major brain development, and she's coordinating breathing with sucking and swallowing. Also, in four weeks I'll be considered full term, which kind of blows my mind. Less than 50 days until my due date.
Other tidbits: I think I'm starting to get a cold. Bah humbag. 

How far along? 32 weeks. 

Size of baby: One source says she's the size of a squash and is between 15.2 to 16.7 inches and weighs up to 3.8 pounds. Another source says she's 16.5 inches and 4.5 pounds. I'm not sure which one is more reliable.
Sleep: Last night I had a dream that I went into labor while on a field trip and had my entire class accompany me to the hospital to be present for the birth. I never did make it to the birthing part in my dream, but it was terrifying. Not something I want an audience for! 
Total weight gain: Up something like 18 pounds. Or 22, if you're going by my doctor's records. I don't want to talk about it.
Unglamorous body changes: My belly button is barely a dimple now and turns into an outie if I bend backward. And I think I just discovered my first stretch mark on my belly. At least it's tiny. But this does not inspire confidence for the next 8 weeks!
Best moment this week: Wednesday my friends and I had our monthly Pinterest party. While that's always a highlight in and of itself, they completely surprised me with an unexpected mini baby shower! We take turns providing dinner and dessert, so they planned a menu fitting for a baby shower, had pink decorations (I was completely oblivious and thought they were for Valentine's day), and gave me some gifts. It was so thoughtful of them! I do have great friends.
Movement: I still feel her mostly when I'm laying down, right before bed or right when I wake up, but she's also taken to moving whenever I rest something against my belly. Such as piles of papers to grade. Or my arms. 
Food cravings/aversions: Mostly food in general. The other night after dinner and two after-dinner snacks, I was still hungry. I asked Jacob to make some suggestions of what I could eat, and when he mentioned fruit cocktail, I wanted that right away. I saw a recipe for homemade granola on Pinterest early this week and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since. I may have to attempt to make it this weekend. Also, I do wish I had some ice cream right about now.
Symptoms: In a cruel twist of fate, over the weekend my bowels decided to have the opposite issue as I had the week prior. Let's just say that Jacob has probably never heard me speak as much about my bowel movements (or lack thereof) as he did these last two weeks. At least things worked themselves out without the "bleeding, tearing, and tears" I was fearing. Aaaaaaand that's enough of that subject. 
Currently looking forward to: My baby shower tomorrow! I'll be able to see family and friends that I haven't seen in months. And some other family and friends that I've seen in the last week. It should be fun. I have Monday off as well, and Jacob and I are going to have our Valentine's celebration then, so that's something else to look forward to. 
Realization of the week: I don't think I've had any profound realizations this week. Or if I have, I've already forgotten them. Oh well.

Milestones: Supposedly she is in (or will be approaching) the head down position, but I can't really tell if she is or not. I still feel movement in the same places as usual but I've had significantly fewer instances of heartburn, so who knows?
Other tidbits: We finally bought a crib yesterday. We don't have it in our possession, but it should arrive in a couple weeks. I will feel much more prepared once it's assembled!

How far along? 31 weeks 1 day. 

Size of baby: Now the size of a pineapple (delicious), she should be around 16 inches and 4 pounds. Though I'm not sure how much I believe that, because that's a jump of a whole pound in one week's time and the Internets say she'll pack on a half pound a week from here on out. 
Sleep: My bedtime is now 10:00. The last two nights I've stayed up later than that (because of the Olympics, of course!), and I had to draaaaag myself off the couch to go to bed. I've been trying to sleep on my side, as recommended, but I often wake up on my back. Hopefully I'm not causing irreparable damage to our baby. When I do wake up, I have to carefully stretch my legs because it feels like they'll seize up with horrible cramps if I don't. I'm still sleeping really well, overall. 
Total weight gain: When I checked a few days ago, I was up 16 pounds.
Unglamorous body changes: You may be tired of hearing about my chilblains, but the ones on my fingers are particularly swollen, unsightly, and painful this week. What's the deal, man? I've never had them on my fingers before this year. My face also broke out a little bit at the start of the week. 
Best moment this week: Heather was able to come over for the Olympics opening ceremony celebration. It was only a party of two, but we had delicious foodstuffs and had fun talking and openly mocking the US team's hideous sweaters. Really, now, must we force our athletes to wear something that looks like Bill Cosby would've worn to an ugly sweater party?
Movement: Today when Jacob came home from work and I was still snoozing, he asked how the baby was doing. I replied that I assumed she was fine, but that I couldn't feel her moving. As he continued talking to me, though, she started moving around, and Jacob was able to feel her squirm. Perhaps it was coincidental, but I like to think she recognized her daddy's voice and was happy to hear him. Also, baby girl is not afraid to get all up in my ribs, particularly on the right side. Several times I've felt my belly get really hard, and I thought she was just pushing out on my abdomen, but now I'm wondering if I've been experiencing those Braxton Hicks contractions everyone talks about. They don't hurt, but it's slightly uncomfortable. 
Maternity clothes: This question is getting silly. Perhaps I'll replace it with another next week. I'm still wearing maternity pants, but I can get by with my regular shirts. 
Food cravings/aversions: I made some Olympic onion rings for our party last night, and I'm looking forward to making the other half of the batch tonight because they were so delicious. Pinterest is also a little dangerous, because I see all these delicious-looking recipes and I want to try them right away. Not that I have, though. 
Symptoms: I've had a lot less heartburn this week, which is glorious. I don't know if you'd call this nesting, but lately I've had the urge to throw away or otherwise get rid of everything in our second bedroom's closet. Which still looks nothing like a nursery. I'm starting to get a little anxious that we aren't going to get it ready in time -- especially after reading in a book that you should order the crib by 25 weeks to make sure it arrives in time. I've also been getting angsty whenever our apartment is messy (which, let's face it, usually happens during the week), but Jacob has been good about helping me restore it to an acceptable level of cleanliness. In other news, I've experienced some cramp-like pain in my sides a couple times this week, usually when rolling over in bed. And (TMI alert), a couple days this week my bowels have been quite unhappy when I've woken up in the morning. 
Currently looking forward to: Sitting on my fanny while I watch athletes perform amazing accomplishments of strength and agility for the next two weeks. 
Realization of the week: I have to make sub plans for six weeks! That's a terrible idea! It usually takes at least two hours to leave plans when I'm gone for just one day -- I can't even imagine how long it'll take to prepare six weeks' worth of plans. And let's not mention the fact that I rarely am planned more than a week in advance at any rate.

Milestones: The countdown in weeks is now in the single digits. Oh snap!
Other tidbits: Baby girl is sleeping about 90 percent of the day and is going through major brain development at this time. All five of her senses are in working order, though she can't smell anything yet. And she's getting less wrinkly as she gets more fat deposits. Good thing, too -- we wouldn't want a wrinkly baby, now would we?