Thursday, August 23, 2012

Infertility is

Infertility is a giant stack of pregnancy tests next to your jumbo Costco size boxes of tampons.

Infertility is congratulating someone on her pregnancy, then later sobbing because it just doesn't seem fair that SHE is pregnant and YOU are not, and then feeling guilty for thinking that way.

Infertility is spending all of your free time researching supplements and treatments that might help your "problem."

Infertility is feeling incredibly angry and jealous when you hear or see a woman complain about her pregnancy symptoms. Or even when she talks about her pregnancy in a positive manner.

Infertility is doubting whether or not you and your husband will ever have a child.

Infertility is fielding questions and advice like "why don't you just try in-vitro/adopt?" or "relax; everything will work out."

Infertility is putting a smile on your face when a well-meaning individual tells you that this is the Lord's plan for you.

Infertility is feeling like the social outcast when you are the only childless couple among your friends and family.

Infertility is blocking certain individuals from Facebook because it seems like every post is about their pregnancy/their precious baby and you just can't handle it anymore.

Infertility is getting your hopes up every month, that this is it, only to have them come crashing down around you when it becomes clear that you aren't pregnant.

Infertility is losing that hope that you'll ever get pregnant.

Infertility is dreaming almost every night that you have a baby, and then waking up and realizing that dream might not ever come true.

Infertility is waiting: waiting for the next doctor appointment, waiting for the test results to come in, waiting for your period to start, waiting to become a parent, etc.

Infertility is contacting your doctor because you just started your third period in a month's time and something must surely be wrong.

Infertility is taking a pregnancy test on doctor's orders, even though you know -- you KNOW! -- it's going to be negative.

Infertility is feeling nothing when the pregnancy test is negative: not sadness, not anger, not disappointment.

Infertility is learning to put on a brave face when you know you're going to be around children or babies or pregnant women, then sometimes coming home and falling apart.

Infertility is attending a baby shower and dissolving into tears afterwards.

Infertility is using the money you saved for the expenses involved in your first child's birth towards the expenses involved in your first child's conception instead.